[copycat] The waiter who will be an IAS officer

Awe-inspiring: The waiter who will be an IAS officer

Inspired by the spider, the Scottish king Robert the Bruce told his men, 'If you don't succeed the first time, try, try and try again'

K Jayaganesh's story is similar. He failed the civil service examination six times but never lost heart. The seventh time -- his last chance -- he passed with a rank of 156 and has been selected for the Indian Administrative Service.

Jayaganesh's story is inspiring not because he did not lose heart but also because he comes from a very poor background in a village in Tamil Nadu, and though he studied to be an engineer, he worked at odd jobs, even as a waiter for a short while, to realise his dream of becoming an IAS officer.

Read on for Jayaganesh's inspiring achievement, in his own words:

Childhood in a remote village

I was born and brought up in a small village called Vinavamangalam in Vellore district. My father Krishnan, who had studied up to the tenth standard, worked as a supervisor in a leather factory. My mother was a housewife. I am the eldest in the family and have two sisters and a brother. I studied up to the 8th standard in the village school and completed my schooling in a nearby town.

I was quite good at studies and always stood first. Coming from a poor family, I had only one ambition in life -- to get a job as fast as I could and help my father in running the family. My father got Rs 4,500 as salary and he had to take care of the education of four children and run the family, which you know is very difficult.

So, after my 10th standard, I joined a polytechnic college because I was told I would get a job the moment I passed out from there. When I passed out with 91 per cent, there was a chance for me to get entry to a government engineering college on merit. So I decided to join the Thanthai Periyar Government Engineering College to study mechanical engineering. My father supported my desire to study further.

Even while doing engineering, my ambition was still to get a job. If you look at my background, you will understand why I didn't have any big ambitions. Most of my friends in the village had studied only up to the 10th standard, and many did not even complete school. They worked as auto drivers or coolies or masons. I was the only one among my friends who went to college.

I understood the importance of education because of my parents. My father was the only one in his family to have completed school, so he knew the value of education. My parents saw to it that we children studied well.

In search of a job

Four days after I completed my engineering in 2000, I went to Bangalore in search of a job and I one without much difficulty. My salary was Rs 2,500 at a company that reconditioned tools.

It was in Bangalore that I started thinking about my village and my friends. I wondered sadly why none of them studied and worked in good companies. Because they had no education, they always remained poor. There was not enough money to buy even proper food. There was no opportunity there; the only place they could work was the tannery in the nearby town. If they didn't get work at the tannery, they worked as auto drivers or coolies. In short, there was no one in my village to guide the young generation.

I thought would I be able to help my villagers in any way?

Getting interested in the civil service examination

Till then, I had not even heard of something called the civil services examination. It was only after I went to Bangalore and saw the world that I was exposed to many things. I came to know that a collector in a small place could do a lot. At that moment, I decided that I wanted to be an IAS officer.

I resigned and went home to prepare for the examination. I never thought resigning was risky because I had the confidence and knew I would do well.

My father also supported me wholeheartedly. He had just got a bonus of Rs 6,500 and he gave me that money to buy study material. I sat in my village and studied from the notes I received by post from Chennai.

Failed attempts

In my first two attempts, I could not even clear the preliminary examination. I had no idea how to prepare for the exam, what subjects to opt for and how to study. There was nobody to guide me.

I had taken mechanical engineering as my main subject. That's when I met Uma Surya in Vellore. He was also preparing for the examination. He told me that if I took sociology as an option, it would be easy.

Even with sociology as the main subject, I failed in the third attempt. But I was not disappointed. I knew why I was failing. I didn't have proper guidance. I started reading newspapers only after I started preparing for the examination! So you can imagine from what kind of background I came from.

To Chennai for coaching

When I came to know about the government coaching centre (external link) in Chennai, I wrote the entrance examination and was selected. We were given accommodation and training.

Because I got tips from those who passed out, I passed the preliminary in my fourth attempt. We were given free accommodation and food only till we wrote the main examination. After that, we had to move out. I didn't want to go back to the village but staying in Chennai also was expensive.

I tried to get a job as an engineer but my efforts turned futile. I then decided to look for a part time job so that I would have time to study.

Working as a waiter in Chennai

I got a job as a billing clerk for computer billing in the canteen at Sathyam Cinemas. I also worked as the server during the interval. It never bothered me that I, a mechanical engineer, preparing for the civil services, had to work as a server. I had only one aim -- to stay on in Chennai to pass the examination.

Attending the interview in Delhi

After I got the job at the Sathyam Cinemas, I was called for the interview. As counselling was my hobby, a lot of questions were asked about counselling. I was not very fluent in English but I managed to convey whatever I wanted to. Perhaps I did not articulate well. I failed in the interview.

Preliminary again, the 5th time

Once again, I started from the beginning. Surprisingly, I failed in the preliminary itself. On analysis, I felt I did not concentrate on studies as I was working at Sathyam Cinemas.

I quit the job and joined a private firm to teach sociology to those preparing for the UPSC examinations. While I learnt the other subjects there, I taught sociology. Many friends of mine in Chennai helped me both financially and otherwise while I prepared for the examination.

Sixth attempt

I passed both the preliminary and the main in the sixth attempt but failed at the interview stage.

While preparing for the interview, I had written an examination to be an officer with the Intelligence Bureau and I was selected. I was in a dilemma whether to accept the job. I felt if I joined the IB, once again, my preparation to be an IAS officer would get affected. So, I decided not to join and started preparing for one last time.

Last attempt

I had to give the last preliminary just a few days after the previous interview. I was confused and scared. Finally, I decided to take the last chance and write the examination. Like I had hoped, I passed both the preliminary and the main.

The interview was in April, 2008 at Delhi. I was asked about Tamil Nadu, Kamaraj, Periyar, Tamil as a classical language, the link between politics and Tamil cinema etc. I was upset since I did not wish the interviewers at the start and they did not respond when I said thanks at the end. Both the incidents went on playing in my mind. I just prayed to God and walked back.

The day the results were out

I was extremely tense that day. I would know whether my dreams would be realised or not. I used to tell God, please let me pass if you feel I am worthy of it.

I went to a playground and sat there meditating for a while. Then, I started thinking what I should do if I passed and what I should do if I didn't.

I had only one dream for the last seven years and that was to be an IAS officer.

156th rank

Finally when the results came, I couldn't believe myself. I had secured the 156th rank out of more than 700 selected candidates. It's a top rank and I am sure to get into the IAS.

I felt like I had a won a war that had been going on for many years. I felt free and relieved.

The first thing I did was call my friends in Chennai and then my parents to convey the good news.

Warm welcome in the village

The reception I got in my village was unbelievable. All my friends, and the entire village, were waiting for me when I alighted from the bus. They garlanded me, burst crackers, played music and took me around the village on their shoulders. The entire village came to my house to wish me. That was when I saw unity among my villagers. It was a defining moment for me.

What I want to do

I worked really hard without losing faith in myself to realise my dream. My real work starts now. I want to try hard to eradicate poverty and spread the message of education to all people. Education is the best tool to eradicate poverty. I want Tamil Nadu also to be a literate state like Kerala.

Just take my example. I could come out of a poor background to this level only because of education. I didn't get any guidance when I was young. So I want to give proper guidance to the youth in the villages. They have the ability to go up but there is nobody to guide them. I want to be a guiding force to such youngsters. As I come from that background, I understand them best.

Reservations

I strongly feel that reservations are needed to uplift the section of society that is at the bottom. Unless you lift them up, they can't come up. As they had been at the bottom for thousands of years, they are not equipped to compete with the higher sections of society.

Now that I am going to be an IAS officer, I will move to the creamy layer in reservations. My children would be from a background that is totally different from what mine was. If I continue taking the benefits of reservation, I would be doing injustice to society. So, I will not take the benefits again.

 

URL for this article:
http://www.rediff.com//getahead/2008/may/27ias.htm

 

 

Thalaivar !!!!

I was in euphoric mood yesterday when I came to know this news. A friend of mine called me last noon and said that there is a lesson regarding Superstar in Grade VI English Book of CBSE (Central Board of Secondary Education).

Ever since I heard this news, I couldn't resist myself and it was tough for me to pass time until I saw the book by last night.

A remarkable achievement

The moment I saw the book, I was awestruck. What a remarkable achievement of our thalaivar! If he manages to get a place in a school book that is read by kinds all over the country, then what else he has to achieve?

A distinct honour

I think no other actor in India had this honour so far. That is getting a place in school book while they were in the profession of acting. (Yes, a few actors managed to get the place bcos of their political status and that too in State Board Syllabus. But this particular lesson reg Superstar has come in a Central board book where it is common for the whole country!!)

And what adds more to the pride is the heading under which the lesson was found.

Unit 3: The dignity of Work - From Bus conductor to film star.

Surely a remarkable achievement!! Isn't it?

And surely this would apply tons and tons of coals on those faces who take dig at thalaivar whenever there's a little opportunity. But beyond their calculations, Superstar's name and fame skyrockets to unimaginable heights each time.

Just wish to remind you a quote:

"Fame usually comes to those who are thinking about something else."

- Oliver Wendell

I am happy to say that this blog is the first to bring you this good news. Will put efforts to make this news appear in other media sources including newspapers.

And don't forget to go throught the 'Evaluation' page i present beside. It is not only for studs, it is also for us. Just try it.

 

source : http://onlysuperstar.blogspot.com

 

 

How much does a miracle cost?

A little girl went to her bedroom and pulled a glass jelly jar from its hiding place in the closet.

 

She poured the change out on the floor and counted it carefully. Three
times, even. The total had to be exactly perfect. No chance here for mistakes.

 

Carefully placing the coins back in the jar and twisting on the cap, she
slipped out the back door and made he r way 6 blocks to Rexall's Drug Store with
the big red Indian Chief sign above the door.

 

She waited patiently for
the pharmacist to give her some attention, but he was too busy at this moment.
Tess twisted her feet to make a scuffing noise. Nothing. She cleared her throat
with the most disgusting sound she could muster. No good Finally she took a
quarter from her jar and banged it on the glass counter. That did it!

 

'And what do you want?' the pharmacist asked in an annoyed tone of
voice. I'm talking to my brother from Chicago whom I haven't seen in ages,' he
said without waiting for a reply to his question.

 

'Well, I want to talk
to you about my brother,' Tess answered back in the same annoyed tone. 'He's
really, really sick...and I want to buy a miracle.'

 

'I beg your pardon?'
said the pharmacist.

 

'His name is Andrew and he has something bad
growing inside his head and my Daddy s ays only a mirac le can save him now So how
much does a miracle cost?'

 

'We don't sell miracles here, little girl.
I'm sorry but I can't help you,' the pharmacist said, softening a little.

 

'Listen, I have the money to pay for it. If it isn't enough, I will get
the rest. Just tell me ho w much it costs.'

 

The pharmacist's Brother was
a well dressed man. He stooped down and asked the little girl, 'What kind of a
miracle does your brother need?'

 

' I don't know,' Tess replied with her
eyes welling up. I just know he's really sick and Mommy says he needs an
operation. But my Daddy can't pay for it, so I want to use my money.'

 

'How much do you have?' asked the man from Chicago

 

'One dollar
and eleven cents,' Tess answered barely audibly.

 

'And it's all the money
I have, but I can get some more if I need to.'

 

'Well, what a
coincidence,' smiled the man. 'A dollar and eleven cents---th e exact price o f a
miracle for little brothers. '

 

He took her money in one hand and with
the other hand he grasped her mitten and said 'Take me to where you live. I want
to see your brother and meet your parents. Let's see if I have the miracle you
need.'

 

That well dressed man was Dr. Carlton Armstrong, a surgeon,
specializing in neuro-surgery. The operation was completed free of charge and it
wasn't long until Andrew was home again and doing well.

 

Mom and Dad were
happily talking about the chain of events that had led them to this place.

 

'That surgery,' her Mom whispered. 'was a real miracle. I wonder how
much it would have cost?'

 

Tess smiled. She knew exactly how much a
miracle cost..one dollar and eleven cents....plus the faith of a little child.

 

In our lives, we never know how many miracles we will need.

 

A miracle is not the suspension of natural law, but the operation of a h igher law.

 

[Copy Cat] The Journey of a Blogger

http://gradwolf.wordpress.com/2008/04/05/the-journey-of-a-blogger/

 

I was wondering about the journey a blogger goes through from the time he starts to the time he becomes a seasoned one. I am not a seasoned blogger myself compared to millions out there, but I guess I can comment on this, having started to blog almost 3 years back.

Here is what typically happens.

Phase 1:

Everyone is blogging. He reads articles online about how blogging is cool. About Web 2.0. About user generated content on the web. And so begins yet another blog. The stats say a blog is born every 2 seconds. Isn’t that the same rate at which India’s population is increasing? If yes, its astronomical!

Phase 2:

He is in awe with himself. From someone who cringed when asked for his English answer papers back in school, he has evolved into the person who lets out his content for the world to see and comment on. At the beginning he writes for himself. He may write what he did that day, how his day was, how he felt about some people. He never expected any comments. There were 0 anyway. He records his life, his rants and his day to day experiences.

Phase 3:

The 0 comments becomes 1,2,3 and then 4. The guy is simply overwhelmed. Here begins the change in attitude and so in his writing. He starts writing for an audience. He doesn’t write for himself anymore. He has readers, he has sent out the feeds and he feels obliged to write for them. The first person views become third person views. He writes on current affairs, about other bloggers, other communities and his own, film reviews etc. Occasionally he feels nostalgic and would write about his past life, how he misses Bombay, things he has not already recorded. These are the usual sentimental posts you find in many blogs. Including this one.

Phase 4:

The blogger then becomes aware of blogging communities. If we are talking Desi, there is desipundit, desicritics, desidabba etc. He attends blogcamps, barcamps, unoffical blogger meets and unconferences. He meets new people and develops a group of his own. He calls them blog buddies and he comments in their blogs, they comment in his and the blog buddy”ship” grows. He learns about the technical aspects and thus occurs the move from blogspot to wordpress. Or his own domain. Its all about how PHP is cool. And open source is the way to go!

Phase 5:

Now he is obsessed with stats. Where are people coming from? Who reads his blogs? What do they click on? He learns the art of linking. Like that famous what-is-his-name blogger once said- link baby, link. So he links to his favorite blogs. He finds so many blogs and loves each one for different reasons. He likes people who record their life in a matter of fact way. Simple no holds barred writing. He loves the writing of some well known people in the blogging community. He cannot figure out how some people can write humor so effortlessly. He likes blogs that talk about culture, especially those of Tambrahms. He likes blogs that are not written but spoken. Its nice to read actually. He falls in love with Bombay all over again whenever he reads Selma’s blogs. He feels bad she doesn’t blog often.

So, you get the drift?

He has now reached a pinnacle where he finds himself writing about the journey of a blogger. Maybe he is totally blank and doesn’t know what to write on. What do you think?

A Man Without Any Bad Habit...

A Man Without Any Bad Habit...

Once a man was waiting for a taxi.

A beggar came along and asked him for some money. The man ignored him.
But being a professional, the beggar kept on pestering him. The man
became irritated when he realized that the beggar would not leave him
alone unless he parts with some money.

Suddenly an idea struck him.He told the beggar, "I do not have money, but
if you tell me what you want to do with the money, I will certainly help
you." "I would have bought a cup of tea", replied the beggar.

The man said, "Sorry man. I can offer you a cigarette instead of tea". He
then took a pack of cigarettes from his pocket and offered one to the
beggar.

The beggar told, "I don't smoke as it is injurious to health."

The man smiled and took a bottle of whisky from his pocket and told the
beggar, "Here, take this bottle and enjoy the stuff. It is really good".

The beggar refused by saying, "Alcohol muddles the brain and damages the
liver".

The man smiled again. He told the beggar, "I am going to the race
course.Come with me and I will arrange for some tickets and we will place
bets. If we win, you take the whole amount and leave me alone".

As before, the beggar politely refused the latest offer by saying, "Sorry
sir, I can't come with you as betting on horses is a bad habit."

Suddenly the man felt relieved and asked the beggar to come to his home
with him. Finally, the beggar's face lit up in anticipation of receiving
at least something from the man. But he still had his doubts and asked the
man, "Why do you want me to go to your house with you".
-

-

-

-

-

-

-

-

-

-

-

-

-

-

-

-

-
The man replied, "I always wanted to show my wife how a man with no bad habits will look like."

[Good Sayings] A successful marriage

A successful marriage requires falling in love many times!

Always with the same person

 

 – Mignon Mclaughlin

 

India of My Dreams - Mahatma Gandhi

"I shall work for an India, in which the poorest shall feel that it is their country,

 in whose making they have an effective voice,  

 an India in which there shall be no high class and low class of people;

 an India in which all communities shall live in perfect harmony.

 There can be no room in such an India for the curse of untouchability,

 or the curse of intoxicating drinks and drugs.

 Women will enjoy the same rights as men.

 We shall be at peace with all the rest of the world.

 This is the India of my dreams."

-          Mahatma Gandhi, India of My Dreams.

 

(Still it’s just a dream!!!!!)

HP and EDS reach Historic Merger Agreement...

HP to Acquire EDS for $13.9 Billion

• EDS shareholders to receive $25.00 per share in cash for each EDS share
• Transaction expected to more than double HP's revenue from services, furthering its standing as world's largest technology company

PALO ALTO, Calif., and PLANO, Texas, May 13, 2008 – HP and EDS today announced that they have signed a definitive agreement under which HP will purchase EDS at a price of $25.00 per share, or an enterprise value of approximately $13.9 billion. The terms of the transaction have been unanimously approved by the HP and EDS boards of directors.

The transaction is expected to close in the second half of calendar year 2008 and to more than double HP's services revenue, which amounted to $16.6 billion in fiscal 2007. The companies' collective services businesses, as of the end of each company's 2007 fiscal year, had annual revenues of more than $38 billion and 210,000 employees, doing business in more than 80 countries.

HP intends to establish a new business group, to be branded EDS – an HP company, which will be headquartered at EDS's existing executive offices in Plano, Texas. HP plans that EDS will continue to be led after the deal closes by EDS Chairman, President and Chief Executive Officer Ronald A. Rittenmeyer, who will join HP's executive council and report to Mark Hurd, HP's chairman and chief executive officer. HP anticipates that the transaction will be accretive to fiscal 2009 non-GAAP earnings and accretive to 2010 GAAP earnings. Significant synergies are expected as a result of the combination.

"The combination of HP and EDS will create a leading force in global IT services," said Hurd. "Together, we will be a stronger business partner, delivering customers the broadest, most competitive portfolio of products and services in the industry. This reinforces our commitment to help customers manage and transform their technology to achieve better results."

Rittenmeyer said, "First and foremost, this is a great transaction for our stockholders, providing tremendous value in the form of a significant premium to our stock price. It's also beneficial to our customers, as the combination of our two global companies and the collective skills of our employees will drive innovation and enhance value for them in a wide range of industries. In addition, our Agility Alliance will be significantly strengthened."

Acquiring EDS advances HP's stated objective of strengthening its services business. The specific service offerings delivered by the combined companies are: IT outsourcing, including data center services, workplace services, networking services and managed security; business process outsourcing, including health claims, financial processing, CRM and HR outsourcing; applications, including development, modernization and management; consulting and integration; and technology services. The combination will provide extensive experience in offering solutions to customers in the areas of government, healthcare, manufacturing, financial services, energy, transportation, communications, and consumer industries and retail.

Under the terms of the merger agreement, EDS stockholders will receive $25.00 for each share of EDS common stock that they hold at the closing of the merger. The acquisition is subject to customary closing conditions, including the receipt of domestic and foreign regulatory approvals and the approval of EDS's stockholders.

 

About EDS

EDS is a leading global technology services company delivering business solutions to its clients. EDS founded the information technology outsourcing industry 45 years ago. Today, EDS delivers a broad portfolio of information technology and business process outsourcing services to clients in the manufacturing, financial services, healthcare, communications, energy, transportation, and consumer and retail industries and to governments around the world. Learn more at eds.com.

About HP

HP focuses on simplifying technology experiences for all of its customers – from individual consumers to the largest businesses. With a portfolio that spans printing, personal computing, software, services and IT infrastructure, HP is among the world's largest technology companies, with revenue totaling $107.7 billion for the four fiscal quarters ended Jan. 31, 2008. More information about HP (NYSE: HPQ) is available at www.HP.com.

http://www.eds.com/news/releases/4550/

http://www.hp.com/hpinfo/newsroom/press/2008/080513a.html

 

Logic...!!!

After having failed his exam in "Logistics and Organization", a student goes and confronts his lecturer about it.

Student

: "Sir, do you really understand anything about the subject?"

Professor

: "Surely I must. Otherwise I would not be a professor!"

Student

: "Great, well then I would like to ask you a question. If you can give me the correct answer, I will accept my mark as is and go. If you however do not know the answer, I want you give me an "A" for the exam. "

Professor

: "Okay, it's a deal. So what is the question?"

Student

: "What is legal, but not logical, logical, but not legal, and neither logical, nor legal?"

Even after some long and hard consideration, the professor cannot give the student an answer, and therefore changes his exam mark into an "A", as agreed.

Afterwards, the professor calls on his best student and asks him the same question.

He immediately answers: "Sir, you are 63 years old and married to a 35 year old woman, which is legal, but not logical. Your wife has a 25 year old lover, which is logical, but not legal. The fact that you have given your wife's lover an "A", although he really should have failed, is neither legal, nor logical."

 

For all the guys who are still trying and for all the girls who are still rejecting

For all the guys who are still trying and for all the girls who are still rejecting ;-)

Once, there was  guy, who was in love with a girl. She wasn't the most beautiful and Rocking

but for him, she was everything.

 

He used to dream about her, about spending the rest of life with her. His friends told him,
"why do you dream so much about her, when you don't even know if she loves you or not?
First tell her your feelings, and get to know if she likes you or not".
He felt that was the right way. The girl knew from the beginning, that this guy loves her.

 

One day when he proposed, she rejected her.

 

His friends thought he would take wrong decision and ruin his life.
To their surprise, he was not depressed.
 When they asked him how was it that he is not sad, he replied,

 

 

"'why should I feel bad? I lost one who never loved me & she lost the one
who really loved and cared for her."

  
 

              Never Cry for One Who Makes You Cry! 

 

Relax Kuruvi

KURUVI Comedies
COMEDY1:
 

Ippodhu oru50p clicnic plus Shampoo Vanginal "Kuruvi" Ticket Mutrilum Ilavasam,Mundhungal Indha Salugai Padam Theatre'il odum varai mattum.

COMEDY2:
 

Vijay Fan:Hello Pepsi Umava enakku kuruvi padathula irundhu Oru patu podunga.
Pepsi UMA:Oru rendu nal wait pannunga padamae potruvom!!!!1


COMEDY3:
 

Man1:Yenna sie antha theatrela avalavu kootam....
Man2:"KURUVi" padam parka yavano ticket reservation panni irukkan,avana parka thaan ivvalavu kootam....

Classic Deadlock

Nice Practical Example for Deadlock…

 

 

Boss said to secretary: For a week we will go abroad, so make arrangement.
 
Secretary make call to Husband: For a week my boss and  I will be going abroad, you look after yourself.
 
Husband make call to secret lover: My wife is going abroad for a week, so lets spend the week together.
 
Secret lover make call to small boy whom she is giving private tution: I have work for a week, so you need
not come for class.
 
Small boy make call to his grandfather: Grandpa, for a week I don't have class 'coz my teacher is busy. Lets
spend the week together.
 

 

-------

Grandpa make call to his secretary: This week I am spending my time with my grandson. We cannot attend
that meeting.
 
Secretary make call to her husband: This week my boss has some work, we cancelled our trip.
 
Husband make call to secret lover: We cannot spend this week together, my wife has cancelled her trip.
 
Secret lover make call to small boy whom she is giving private tution: This week we will have class as usual.
 
Small boy make call to his grandfather: Grandpa, my teacher said this week I have to attend class. Sorry I
can't give you company.
 

 

Grandpa make call to his secretary: Don't worry this week we will attend that meeting, so make arrangement .

 

J

Lifepartner : A must read for all unmarried

FINDING AND KEEPING A LIFE PARTNER

 

Golden rules for finding your life partner by Dov Heller, M.A.

 

When it comes to making the decision about choosing a life partner, no one wants to make a mistake. Yet, with a divorce rate of close to 50%,

 

it appears that many are making serious mistakes in their approach to finding Mr../Miss. Right! If you ask most couples who are engaged why they ' re getting married,

 

they ' ll say: "We ' re in love"; I believe this is the ..1 mistake people make when they date.

 

 

 

Choosing a life partner should never be based on love.

 

Though this may sound "not politically correct", there ' s a profound truth here.

 

Love is not the basis for getting married. Rather, love is the result of a good marriage.

 

When the other ingredients are right, then the love will come. Let me say it again: "You can ' t build a lifetime relationship on love alone"; You need a lot more!!!

 

Here are five questions you must ask yourself if you ' re serious about finding and keeping a life partner.

 

QUESTION ..1: Do we share a common life purpose?

 

Why is this so important? Let me put it this way: If you ' re married for 20 or 30 years, that ' s a long time to live with someone. What do

 

you plan to do with each other all that time? Travel, eat and jog together? You need to share something deeper and more meaningful. You need a common life purpose.

 

Two things can happen in a marriage: (1) You can grow together, or (2)you can grow apart. 50% of the people out there are growing apart. To make a marriage work, you need to know what you want out of life!

 

Bottom line; marry someone who wants the same thing.

 

 

QUESTION ..2: Do I feel safe expressing my feelings and thoughts with this person?

 

This question goes to the core of the quality of your relationship. Feeling safe means you can communicate openly with this person. The

 

basis of having good communication is trust - i.e. trust that I won ' t get "punished"; or hurt for expressing my honest thoughts and feelings. A colleague of mine defines an abusive person as someone with whom you feel afraid to express your thoughts and feelings. Be honest with yourself on this one. Make sure you feel emotionally safe with the person you plan to marry.

 

 

QUESTION ..3: Is he/she a mensch?

 

A mensch is someone who is a refined and sensitive person. How can you test? Here are some suggestions. Do they work on personal growth on a

 

regular basis? Are they serious about improving themselves? A teacher of mine defines a good person as "someone who is always striving to be good and do the right ";. So ask about your significant other: What do they do with their time? Is this person materialistic? Usually a materialistic person is not someone whose top priority is character refinement. There are essentially two types of people in the world:

 

(1) People who are dedicated to personal growth and

 

(2) people who are dedicated to seeking comfort.

 

 Someone whose goal in life is to be comfortable will put personal comfort ahead of doing the right thing. You need to know that before walking down the aisle.

 

 

QUESTION ..4: How does he/she treat other people?

 

The one most important thing that makes any relationship work is the ability to give. By giving, we mean the ability to give another person pleasure.

 

Ask: Is this someone who enjoys giving pleasure to others or are they wrapped up in themselves and self- absorbed?

 

To measure this, think about the following: How do they treat people whom they do not have to be nice to, such as waiters, bus boys, taxi drivers, etc.. How do they treat their parents and siblings? Do they have gratitude and appreciation? If they don ' t have gratitude for the people who have given them everything; can you do nearly as much for them? You can be sure that someone, who treats others poorly, will eventually treat you poorly as well.

 

 

QUESTION ..5: Is there anything I ' m hoping to change about this person after we ' re married?

 

Too many people make the mistake of marrying someone with the intention of trying to "improve"; them after they ' re married. As a colleague of mine puts it: "You can probably expect someone to change after marriage for the worse" If you cannot fully accept this person the way they are now, then you are not ready to marry them. In conclusion, dating doesn ' t have to be difficult and treacherous. The key is to try leading a little more with your head and less with your heart. It pays to be as objective as possible when you are dating; to be sure to ask questions that will help you get to the key issues. Falling in love is a great feeling, but when you wake up with a ring on your finger, you don ' t want to find yourself trouble because you didn ' t do your homework. Another perspective... There are some people in your life that need to be loved from a distance.. It ' s amazing what you can accomplish when you let go of or at least minimize your time with draining, negative, incompatible, not-going anywhere relationships. Observe the relationships around you.

 

Pay attention...Which ones lift and which ones lean? Which ones encourage and which ones discourage? Which ones are on a path of growth uphill and which ones are going downhill? When you leave certain people do you feel better or feel worse? Which ones always have drama or don ' t really understand, know, or appreciate you?

 

The more you seek quality, respect, growth, peace of mind, love and truth around you...the easier it will become for you to decide who gets to sit in the front row and who should be moved to the balcony of your life.

 

 

-->An African proverb states, "Before you get married, keep both eyes open, and after you marry, close one eye"; Before you get involved and make a commitment to someone, don ' t let lust, desperation, immaturity, ignorance, pressure from others or a low self-esteem make you blind to warning signs. Keep your eyes open, and don ' t fool yourself that you can change someone or that what you see as faults aren ' t really that important.

 

-->Do you bring out the best in each other?

 

-->Do you compliment and compromise with each other, or do you compete, compare and control?

 

-->What do you bring to the relationship?

 

-->Do you bring past relationships, past hurt, past mistrust, past pain?

 

You can ' t take someone to the altar to alter them. You can ' t make someone love you or make someone stay.

 

If you develop self-esteem, spiritual discernment, and "a life"; you won ' t find yourself making someone else responsible for your happiness or responsible for your pain. Seeking status, sex, and security are the wrong reasons to be in a relationship.

 

WHAT KEEPS A RELATIONSHIP STRONG IS:

 

1. TRUST

 

2. COMMUNICATION

 

3. INTIMACY

 

4. A SENSE OF HUMOR

 

5. SHARING TASKS

 

6. SOME GETAWAY TIME WITHOUT BUSINESS OR CHILDREN

 

7. DAILY EXCHANGES (meal, shared activity, hug, call, touch, notes, etc.)

 

8. SHARING COMMON GOALS AND INTERESTS

 

9. GIVING EACH OTHER SPACE TO GROW WITHOUT FEELING INSECURE

 

10. GIVING EACH OTHER A SENSE OF BELONGING AND ASSURANCES OF COMMITMENT

 

If these qualities are missing, the relationship will erode as resentment withdrawal, abuse, neglect, and dishonesty; and pain will replace.

This e-mail and any files transmitted with it are for the sole use of the intended recipient(s) and may contain confidential and privileged information. If you are not the intended recipient, please contact the sender by reply e-mail and destroy all copies of the original message. Any unauthorized review, use, disclosure, dissemination, forwarding, printing or copying of this email or any action taken in reliance on this e-mail is strictly prohibited and may be unlawful.

 

 

Thanks,

Ananth Bhaskar

Consumer Internet & Marketing Support Team

Marketing Strategy & Innovation

Vnet: 449320

Even when laws have been written down, they ought not always to remain unaltered.

 

---

From: Kandasamy, Kavitha (Cognizant)
Sent: Wednesday, April 30, 2008 2:02 PM
To: Subramaniyam, Hariprasath (Cognizant); Bhaskar, Ananth (Cognizant); Nagarajan, Viswanath (Cognizant); Rajappan, Karthikeyan (Cognizant); Sankaranarayanan, Muthulakshmi (Cognizant); Chandrabose, Amutha (Cognizant); Ramachandran, Hemalatha (cognizant)
Subject: FW: Lifepartner : A must read for all unmarried

 

---

From: Arunachalam, Sureshkumar(Cognizant)
Sent: Wednesday, April 30, 2008 10:56 AM
Subject: Lifepartner : A must read for all unmarried

 

 

 

FINDING AND KEEPING A LIFE PARTNER

 

Golden rules for finding your life partner by Dov Heller, M.A.

 

When it comes to making the decision about choosing a life partner, no one wants to make a mistake. Yet, with a divorce rate of close to 50%,

 

it appears that many are making serious mistakes in their approach to finding Mr../Miss. Right! If you ask most couples who are engaged why they ' re getting married,

 

they ' ll say: "We ' re in love"; I believe this is the ..1 mistake people make when they date.

 

 

 

Choosing a life partner should never be based on love.

 

Though this may sound "not politically correct", there ' s a profound truth here.

 

Love is not the basis for getting married. Rather, love is the result of a good marriage.

 

When the other ingredients are right, then the love will come. Let me say it again: "You can ' t build a lifetime relationship on love alone"; You need a lot more!!!

 

Here are five questions you must ask yourself if you ' re serious about finding and keeping a life partner.

 

QUESTION ..1: Do we share a common life purpose?

 

Why is this so important? Let me put it this way: If you ' re married for 20 or 30 years, that ' s a long time to live with someone. What do

 

you plan to do with each other all that time? Travel, eat and jog together? You need to share something deeper and more meaningful. You need a common life purpose.

 

Two things can happen in a marriage: (1) You can grow together, or (2)you can grow apart. 50% of the people out there are growing apart. To make a marriage work, you need to know what you want out of life!

 

Bottom line; marry someone who wants the same thing.

 

 

QUESTION ..2: Do I feel safe expressing my feelings and thoughts with this person?

 

This question goes to the core of the quality of your relationship. Feeling safe means you can communicate openly with this person. The

 

basis of having good communication is trust - i.e. trust that I won ' t get "punished"; or hurt for expressing my honest thoughts and feelings. A colleague of mine defines an abusive person as someone with whom you feel afraid to express your thoughts and feelings. Be honest with yourself on this one. Make sure you feel emotionally safe with the person you plan to marry.

 

 

QUESTION ..3: Is he/she a mensch?

 

A mensch is someone who is a refined and sensitive person. How can you test? Here are some suggestions. Do they work on personal growth on a

 

regular basis? Are they serious about improving themselves? A teacher of mine defines a good person as "someone who is always striving to be good and do the right ";. So ask about your significant other: What do they do with their time? Is this person materialistic? Usually a materialistic person is not someone whose top priority is character refinement. There are essentially two types of people in the world:

 

(1) People who are dedicated to personal growth and

 

(2) people who are dedicated to seeking comfort.

 

 Someone whose goal in life is to be comfortable will put personal comfort ahead of doing the right thing. You need to know that before walking down the aisle.

 

 

QUESTION ..4: How does he/she treat other people?

 

The one most important thing that makes any relationship work is the ability to give. By giving, we mean the ability to give another person pleasure.

 

Ask: Is this someone who enjoys giving pleasure to others or are they wrapped up in themselves and self- absorbed?

 

To measure this, think about the following: How do they treat people whom they do not have to be nice to, such as waiters, bus boys, taxi drivers, etc.. How do they treat their parents and siblings? Do they have gratitude and appreciation? If they don ' t have gratitude for the people who have given them everything; can you do nearly as much for them? You can be sure that someone, who treats others poorly, will eventually treat you poorly as well.

 

 

QUESTION ..5: Is there anything I ' m hoping to change about this person after we ' re married?

 

Too many people make the mistake of marrying someone with the intention of trying to "improve"; them after they ' re married. As a colleague of mine puts it: "You can probably expect someone to change after marriage for the worse" If you cannot fully accept this person the way they are now, then you are not ready to marry them. In conclusion, dating doesn ' t have to be difficult and treacherous. The key is to try leading a little more with your head and less with your heart. It pays to be as objective as possible when you are dating; to be sure to ask questions that will help you get to the key issues. Falling in love is a great feeling, but when you wake up with a ring on your finger, you don ' t want to find yourself trouble because you didn ' t do your homework. Another perspective... There are some people in your life that need to be loved from a distance.. It ' s amazing what you can accomplish when you let go of or at least minimize your time with draining, negative, incompatible, not-going anywhere relationships. Observe the relationships around you.

 

Pay attention...Which ones lift and which ones lean? Which ones encourage and which ones discourage? Which ones are on a path of growth uphill and which ones are going downhill? When you leave certain people do you feel better or feel worse? Which ones always have drama or don ' t really understand, know, or appreciate you?

 

The more you seek quality, respect, growth, peace of mind, love and truth around you...the easier it will become for you to decide who gets to sit in the front row and who should be moved to the balcony of your life.

 

 

-->An African proverb states, "Before you get married, keep both eyes open, and after you marry, close one eye"; Before you get involved and make a commitment to someone, don ' t let lust, desperation, immaturity, ignorance, pressure from others or a low self-esteem make you blind to warning signs. Keep your eyes open, and don ' t fool yourself that you can change someone or that what you see as faults aren ' t really that important.

 

-->Do you bring out the best in each other?

 

-->Do you compliment and compromise with each other, or do you compete, compare and control?

 

-->What do you bring to the relationship?

 

-->Do you bring past relationships, past hurt, past mistrust, past pain?

 

You can ' t take someone to the altar to alter them. You can ' t make someone love you or make someone stay.

 

If you develop self-esteem, spiritual discernment, and "a life"; you won ' t find yourself making someone else responsible for your happiness or responsible for your pain. Seeking status, sex, and security are the wrong reasons to be in a relationship.

 

WHAT KEEPS A RELATIONSHIP STRONG IS:

 

1. TRUST

 

2. COMMUNICATION

 

3. INTIMACY

 

4. A SENSE OF HUMOR

 

5. SHARING TASKS

 

6. SOME GETAWAY TIME WITHOUT BUSINESS OR CHILDREN

 

7. DAILY EXCHANGES (meal, shared activity, hug, call, touch, notes, etc.)

 

8. SHARING COMMON GOALS AND INTERESTS

 

9. GIVING EACH OTHER SPACE TO GROW WITHOUT FEELING INSECURE

 

10. GIVING EACH OTHER A SENSE OF BELONGING AND ASSURANCES OF COMMITMENT

 

If these qualities are missing, the relationship will erode as resentment withdrawal, abuse, neglect, and dishonesty; and pain will replace.